Danger Danger - Revolve (Frontiers/Riot)

Two decades after their debut album and a support slot with KISS, are Danger Danger ready for the 21st century?
Release Date: 
18 Sep 2009 (All day)

I've said it before and I'll say it again; I love a bit of hair metal. For me, the 80s/early 90s brought something exceptional to music. It's that feel-good shit you just can't get from songs other than Poison's Nothing But A Good Time and Motley's Dr. Feelgood. So obviously I was looking forward to listening to the newest release from 80s try-hards Danger Danger.

It starts well. Opener That's What I'm Talking About has a distinctly Rock You Like A Hurricane feel which can never be a bad thing. Unfortunately, this quickly turns into a song that sounds like the theme tune to a programme about wealthy, vacuous American teenagers and their tumultuous relationships. But the problems really start when Ted Poley starts singing. Don't get me wrong, the guy's got a great voice but in the name of Rob Halford the lyrics are fucking diabolical.

I'm not suggesting for a minute that I want everything I listen to be insightful, eloquent and thought-provoking. I like DragonForce or fuck's sake. My issue comes when I hear songs that sound like they were written by a 12-year-old. In 1986. Nothing in this world itches my rectum more than songs that include:

"Thats what I'm talking about, I wanna hear you scream, I wanna hear you shout...": FAIL

"Words left unspoken...silence unbroken...": FAIL

"Much too late...knew it was fate..": FAIL

"Laying in my bed...thoughts in my head...": FAIL

All of these abominable cliches can be found in abundance on Revolve, which, in 2009, is frankly unacceptable.

Killing Love does have an introduction straight out of Lacuna Coil's arsenal and a chorus nicked from Marillion, and in all fairness it's a solid rock number. The guitar work from Rob Marcello is exceptional and adds to the atmosphere of the song. They then go on to fuck it up totally by running it for a minute too long and finishing with the sound of a child laughing, which takes the outro from odd to downright fucking creepy.

Hearts On The Highway does break the mould a bit with its story of a young couple in a troubled relationship, who run away together because their love is the only thing that matters. Plus she's up the duff. Unique content; nothing like Bon Jovi's Livin' On A Prayer or Europe's On Broken Wings. But by the end of Hearts On The Highway, Revolve actually starts to become quite enjoyable. Fugitive is a compelling ballad that instills just the right amount of nausea. If you were heading home to your gal in Alabama after a tour of Iraq, this song would be playing in the background.

Just as it gets better, the album crashes harder than a car driven by a quadraplegic smackhead going cold turkey. Keep On Keepin' On should be banned as a fucking song title, and Rocket To Your Heart is a frankly bizarre diatribe about getting a spaceship to some lass's heart, as she's an alien from the sun or something. This song is so bad I had to go and put the kettle, make a cup of tea and take five minutes to calm myself.

F.U.$ is the cunning acronym for Fuck You Money, a song that should be on Steel Panther's Feel The Steel. It's essentially a song designed to get the crowd singing along, and bitches about how much it sucks to be skint. Something I imagine Danger Danger know far too well.

There are rare moments of quality throughout Revolve, most of them from axe man Rob Marcello, and the line in Beautiful Regret where Ted Poley sings 'I'm so God damn predictable...' is insightful to the last. This number has a strong intro that gives you hope but then limps into a middle of the road rock number. Never Give Up again is as exciting as shaving, and album closer Dirty Mind is the token Poison-influenced song that bands of this genre seem unable to omit.

Danger Danger have had a shocker with Revolve. Individually, these songs would lend themselves well to compilations albums such as Music To Drive Along The California Coastline To or Now That's What I Call Rock By Numbers, Vol. 3. There is literally nothing unique about the album at all. Beautiful Regret's Led Zeppelin intro and Hearts On The Highway are the only points worth noting.

Ted sings 'you gota lose to learn how to win' - based on this logic, Danger Danger have lost so hard with this album that their next outing should be on a par with Iron Maiden's Live After Death.

Danger Danger is out on 18 September on Frontiers/Riot